I've had this draft started for a while now, but found in the wait to post that the title became that much more true. I had every intention of having this published by Mother's Day, but just as life would have it... things didn't go as planned.
As some of you who know me personally know, Mother's Day is always a struggle. There are so many aspects that hit hard on days like yesterday. I miss my own Mom who I lost as a teenager, I long for my almost-five-year-old little Savannah, as well as doing my best to juggle the joyful moments my handsome little man brings. All of that on any given day is enough to handle, but then life throws you a curveball and adds a hard date on top of it.
May 13, 2013, my husband and I sat in a high-risk doctors office to have an ultrasound done. I remember everything about that exam room, the technician who quickly left without a word, the doctor who came in and told us that our sweet baby girl would not survive after birth, and the fear that hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment. 5 years ago our world was rocked and we quickly realized that we are not in control.
Savannah taught me so much in her little time with us, and her life continues to teach me things daily. One of the greatest by far though is that more often than not, things don't go as planned. This is typically perceived as a bad thing... my hope today is to break that thought though.
I'm sure if we could all write our own stories we would write them without trials, pain, loss, grief, regret, or heartbreak. Of course we would!!! Because let's be honest.. those all stink! I read this quote the other day that stirred up a whole new set of emotions for me.
This instantly made me think of Proverbs 16:9- "In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." I am incredibly guilty of holding tight to the life I believe I am promised, the ideals of this world, and basically the 'picture perfect' story. I have this death grip on "my plan" and am always so caught off guard when things don't go as planned. When in reality... all I have are ideas, not promises.
I have learned through my little girl's life that there can be beauty in the unexpected; the moment your plan changed, the moment you got thrown a curveball, the day you thought things were falling apart. I challenge you to think that perhaps they were actually just falling into place. Again, of course none of us would write our stories with hardships, but I guarantee you we all have seen some sort of beauty come from them.
To the Mama who is sitting with empty arms today longing for her little one, the ladies who are struggling with infertility, the ones who celebrate their Moms in Heaven, those who are fighting to have relationships with their Moms, and those who have chosen to not take on that role... I see you. You are brave. You are strong. You are admired. There is a plan.
I can't promise you what your story is going to look like, but I know that there is a plan even when things don't go as planned.
The days are hard enough without us putting pressure on ourselves to have them all planned out. Let's stand together and encourage one another to embrace the curveballs this life often throws at us.
Be gentle with yourself Mama, you've got this. This day is for you!